It hurts. You don't remember when was the last time you slept wearing a smile on your face. Tears and a runny nose, nothing else but drenched pillows.
Each morning you wake up wishing you never did and you try forcing yourself back to sleep.
You've a million and one questions on your mind left unanswered, but that one question that constantly resurfaces is, "Would he/she ever come back to me again?"
All the messages you wrote telling them how you felt were saved into your notes because you're afraid you'll push them away.
You just keep trying all means and ways to have them back. You seek help from your friends and even their friends but you ignore the real advices and focus on the ones that provide you affirmation on why you should persevere because that's how blinded you are.
The sucky part is when you start to feel like you're annoying them. You feel like you're crazy and psychotic - You feel so devalued and compromised.
You want them back and you're at the point of desperation. You feel like your whole world has fallen apart.
You feel so miserable investing time and effort into someone who doesn't/no longer assure you of where you stand in their life.
You don't know how they truly feel because they just won't tell you and you've to keep guessing and wondering.
Every now and then you feel so confused because of their inconsistency and mixed signals.
You start to ask yourself, "Why won't you wanna be with me if you claim to love me?"
It's worse when you two continue to meet up, but only to their convenience. You two continue to hang out, but only when they've no on else to hang out with. You're always there for them but it's never the other way round.
You find yourself perpetually stalking them throughout the day; Sometimes you read sad tweets from them and it gives you the hope that they still actually care, but there are times where they look happy and seem like they no longer need you there.
You start to stalk their followings, their followers and every potential person you think they might actually move on with.
They tell you they don't want you to move on and that they just need some time to be alone, yet you see them hanging out with new people.
You start to question if it's time you move on cos everything that used to seem right now seems wrong, it seems like no matter how much you do doesn't change anything.
You took advantage of how I felt for you, you know how I feel towards you but you continue to lead me on without any intentions of coming back - Just because I was always there and you took for granted of it.
Everything that drew me to you were what blinded me too. I was a fool to think I could've changed you.
I don't think I can ever forget that second I realised nothing I did would ever make you love me again.
I wish I could hate you for all the pain you've put me through, I wish I could stop loving you.
A part of me wishes you could go through everything and experience what I felt, but I can't bear to see you go through all that.
There's no love for you like mine, but I just wanna wish you well because you deserve to be loved no less.
Last but not least, I'm sorry for not being able to be there every step of your way, nor create many of your first with you.
This post is dedicated to every soul out there who once experienced what I felt.