Balance and Sacrifices
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School, work, family, friends and love life... It just feels like I've too many things on my plate and there's no way I can pick one without neglecting another. It's tough because you know that whatever you choose to prioritise, there'd always be at least one person who would tell you otherwise.
For example, when I hang out too much with my friends, I may tend to forsake my education, and when I channel all my energy to my studies and work life, I feel like it's impossible to step into a relationship. Also, commitment to a relationship naturally means that I'll spend lesser time left for my family.
You know what's the biggest problem? It's wanting to perform well in everything you choose to do. I'm an extremist and if I want to do something, I'd put my heart and soul to it; It's pretty pointless to do something half-heartedly. Which is why one of the things I find really hard to cope with as I grow older, is actually finding a balance in life.
In life, you either give up, give in or give it your all. Right?
What should you sacrifice and what should you keep close to you?
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Currently in my life, I'm going through this huge crisis on how to separate my time properly and to make the right choices. It's extremely hard though.
School sucks all my time up - So during my break, I'd either be doing my work or catching up on the sleep I've been missing up on. By then all my energy is drained, which makes things so much more difficult cause I have to decide how I want to allocate that minimal amount of time left. To watch my favourite tv series, to read the crazy amount of books I bought (which I left to collect dust), to have a meal with my family, to go shopping or to spend it with my love ones.
HOW DO I DECIDE?!
I feel unhappy sometimes because everyone expects something out of me, and it's really impossible to please everyone. What everyone does is to demand, demand and complain that you're not doing ENOUGH, but never have they considered what you've ALREADY DONE for them.
Eventually, the things you love become the things you dread doing. Your passion turns into a chore. Even if I gave you $50 to study the subject you hate most in school, it just becomes a motivation, but you'll not do it with utmost sincerity. On the other hand, if I gave you $50 to stop doing what you love, you'd rather not accept my money.
It's tiring and I have no idea how I'm gonna have a balance in my life. I've too many things I wanna prioritise, and it's tough to make a sacrifice.
Every morning, I just wake up feeling like I owe everyone an explanation for the decisions I make. And as easy as it is to just say, "Just lead your life the way you want, you don't owe anyone an explanation" it's not the same when you've to apply this to the people you care for and the people who care for you.
I've never been this bothered about something before, cause it seems like no one ever tries to stand in my position to understand how I feel.
I'd like to say that I've a solution to this, but fact is I don't. I'm still trying, but it's hard if nobody's willing compromise. Life is all about making the right choices, but what if you don't know what's the right decision to make?
What's worse is when you know someone or something's not the best choice, but it's all that you ever wanted.
Everyone judges the choices you make, but no one ever considers the reasons behind why you decide to choose a certain path.
What would you do if it's you? To follow your mind, or to follow what your heart says?